Homework #19,Big Paper Suggestions

Jace, I see what you're getting at, but how are you going to continue writing your paper? I see the introduction and conclusion really go together, with talking about how a person's phone is like a really intimate relationship. It was smart of you to interview some people, including myself to argue a point. Yet how are you going to continue writing your paper? I suggest doing some research, as well as reading over my "treasure hunting" comment. Maybe you can find some arguments that you would like to write about as well, or something else to back up your point.

Also, you should check out Andy's post titled "NYT Column on cell-phones and dating". I haven't read it, but maybe it will help you out.

So far, I have no complaints with what you've written other then the type-o in your thesis where you wrote "their" instead of "they're" but I think you know that already.

Good luck Jace! If you need any help, ask.

-Hannah
p.s, sorry this is late.
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Amon, I like how you talked about the spear as a tool that has helped us, and you connected it to digital technology today. I like the way you talk about us as defenseless people who do not know how to protect ourselves, and that if we stopped using technology we'd be confused and feel unsafe. I recommend that you bold your many parts of your thesis. I admire the wording of it, but the thesis is a little confusing. I think I understand what you're getting at, but I'm not sure if everyone would.

I don't have any complaints about the first two body paragraphs, other than the first quote mark is turned the wrong way in the second body paragraph. The first sentence of the paragraph after the short little paragraph is really confusing where you said " The feeling while absorbed in the digital world is easily disregarded since the person feeling it does not realize it. " I know you're saying people aren't really feeling, but it's still worded funny.

I understand what you are getting at throughout your whole paper, yet it seems a little shaky to me. I feel like maybe you need a little bit more evidence in parts of your paper. The mechanical arm that can feed us depending on what we are thinking is pretty crazy though. I feel like maybe you should try talking about Wall-E. Everyone is fat in that movie, and they live on and by machines, basically.

Overall, your paper is pretty good and well constructed. I look forward to reading your final draft.

-Hannah