Homework #55, Independent Research

How are same-sex relationships different from straight relationships?/ How is the comfort level similar or different between dating someone of the same sex or different sex?


It is the year 2010, and there are couples of the same sex everywhere. In high school so many teenagers are experimenting, and trying to find their identity and comfort levels. " For many, questions of gender and sexuality are among the issues on the table." (Defining Me). This is the age where we are all trying to discover who we are, and what we are. We are all trying to form our own identities instead of what our parents tried to make us into, or how others have shaped us.

Sometimes it's about attraction despite the body, and sometimes it's about who understands who more. I was talking to my mom once and she was saying how one of the reasons so many girls are dating other girls at our age is because they understand each other more, and how they "work". It's the same thing with my brother, he told me how he understands men and knows "how they work" while he doesn't understand women. Another thing is that there are times where the guy is being a piggish man and trying to get the girl to do things she doesn't want to do, while the guy still wants her to do it. This can also happen in reverse, or in other couples as well but I'm specifically talking about when this is the case. Then a girl may find another girl, who loves and understands her and wouldn't do anything to make her feel uncomfortable.

There are cases when someone might get married to a person of the opposite sex, have kids with them, and then get divorced and find a gay lover. One of my mom's friends did exactly that. I know a man who was married for many years, and has a kid in high school who is a little younger than me. The dad used to go to PTA meetings, and seem really straight and boring. (Not saying that gay people can't go to PTA meetings or that straight people are boring). He got divorced from his wife and now has one of the sweetest guy lovers. At first we were really surprised because he didn't seem like that at all, but I think it's about who the person is inside, and not always the body that they're in: "For many people of all ages, love is situational, based on the person rather than gender. " (Defining Me).

Like I had said in my blog before: "A year or so ago, I used to talk with my friends Alice and Cleo about relationships, and how it doesn't always matter what body a person is in. It's just about the spirt, and how the person is. I hadn't experienced it at the time, but we used to talk about when you're in love, it doesn't matter about gender, it just matters that you're happy. And once love grabs you by the throat, it really doesn't matter then. There are same sex couples.. In our school, there are tons of them. Gender roles don't matter so much any more. There are tons of kinds of people. There are girly girls and the tomgirls. There are manly men and the soft, sympathetic boys (they're out there somewhere)."

We also don't have to be pinned down: "In general, I'm not fond of boxes and categories. I like the concept that we as individuals have options and that we could be flexible." In the past it was a lot harder for people to experiment and go outside of the norm, yet now "the Gay-Straight Alliance has grown significantly from 4-5 people two years ago to 35 to 40 now." That shows that since two years ago, the GSA at Ithaca has gown 30-31 people. (Defining Me).


"She recalls hearing a girl talk about how it's always OK for two girls to be together as a couple - which many young men find exciting. "'it's harder to be a guy who's feminine than it is to be a girl who's a tomboy. There's much less stigma to being a lesbian - it still fits into the male idea of what a girl should be.' On the whole, while male attitudes might not influence a young woman's orientation, the acceptance makes it easier for her to be herself." (Defining Me). Thinking about it, there aren't a lot of guy couples at our school, and many female couples. In the city? Not sure. There are also the teenagers that think two good looking girls or guys dating is a waste of "hot bodies", while they may be jealous or can't understand it themselves.

The outside forces shouldn't matter as much as the two people in the relationship. Parents especially shouldn't try to control their kids just because they think the same sex relationship is wrong. It doesn't really matter as much how society sees a couple, it matters if they are happy together. Because really, no one outside of the couple has to understand.

Works Cited:
-Gadiel, Karen. Defining Me. 04/27/2005.
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=14423310&BRD=1395&PAG=461&dept_id=216620&rfi=6 A lot of the quotes I used are from here. It discusses how teens are trying to discover themselves but aren't necessicarially trying to label how they are. It says how there are a lot more people experimenting these days than there were before, and discusses how people can get married to the opposite gender then break up and date a person of the same gender. It also says how it may be easier for girls to be together because it's still acceptable, yet if isn't as acceptable for gay guys. An interesting thing it said "[Women] tend to be more fluid, not exclusively genitally focused. "

-The Nemours Foundation. About Sexual Orientation. 1995-2010
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sexual_orientation.html Has a lot of background information and definitions on sexual orientation, homosexuality, heterosexuality.. If people choose who they are attracted to or not, what it's like being a gay teen, coming out, and "the importance of talking". It also talks about how society sees gay and lesbian couples, and the importance of being able to talk to someone. It says "These medical professionals believe that — in most cases — sexual orientation, whatever its causes, is not simply chosen."

-Friedrichs, Ellen. Who Should Be Paying on a Same Sex Date? 2010.
http://gayteens.about.com/od/datingandmeetingothers/f/paying_on_a_same_sex_date.htm One of the things this site was saying is how the relationship doesn't have to be the old-fashioned guy asks girl out thing, since you're dating someone of the same sex. "When two guys, or two girls go out, they have a lot more freedom than their straight peers. Because same sex relationships are new to a lot of people, there are fewer family and societal expectations to live up to. " And instead of one person paying the bill, it said:

"Take Turns. One person pays one time, the other the next.
Split the Bill. There is no shame in going Dutch. Plus, it's a great way to maintain equality.
The One Who Asks, Treats. Many gay teens use the rule that the person who asks someone out on a date is the one who should be paying. " Which makes sense and sounds fair. It's interesting how this website is saying that gay and lesbian couples have more freedom because they are newer.

-Ritch C. Savin-Williams. 'The New Gay Teenager'. 3 September 2008http://www.narth.com/docs/newgayteenager2.html "Early same-sex attractions for many teenagers are sources of great delight, fond remembrance, and lifetime reverberations; they may even be these individuals' most tender and pleasurable childhood memories." This is a whole book with the chapters as different categories on "The New Gay Teenager". It talks about forming an identity, researchers looking at gay teens, models on gay teens, and a chapter called "Early Same-Sex Attractions: A Great Delight". It also says how today teens are pansexual or bisexual, and that they don't have a specific label for what they are. It also says "teenagers are rejecting gender categories in their pursuit of satisfying sexual relationships."