Homework #36, Triangle Partners

-Jace didn't do his.
-Amon:
Thesis: To be “cool” is the attempt of achieving satisfaction in how others perceive us, by constructing a sense of individuality.
Redoing/ suggestions: -However we go about approaching cool, we all want the satisfaction of being seen as cool by other individuals.
Or: There are many different routes and paths that can be taken to try and be cool, yet there is always going to be one main goal in the end: to be seen as something significant in the eyes of others.
Sorry I'm not sure if either of those are good.

Paragraph for your paper?
To continue on your idea of brand names and hippies.. In the time of the hippies, it was rebellious for guys to have long hair, and to wear feminine jewelry and clothing. Yet today, there are a lot of places that would make fun of males if they have long hair, and if their pants are too tight. Some people strive to make sure they have logos on their sneakers, and handbags, and other clothing, while there are others who purposely buy things only at thrift stores so that there are no brand names. There are even some people that put tape over the logos, to try and hide them. There are different roles that people try and perform, which come with almost an outline of how those roles are supposed to be. There are the jokesters in their skinny jeans, with punk haircuts, leather jackets, and who smoke outside of school. There is "the mark" role that some guys try to play, of being crude yet sexual. And there is the midriff role that girls try to play, wearing revealing or too tight clothing. Whatever way one goes about trying, they always try to get to the ultimate goal: trying to be cooler than everyone else.

Other suggestions:
-I like the stuff about the hippies in thrift stores in your intro, yet it isn't in your paper.
-Maybe try adding to your Gwendolyn Brooks paragraph. I feel like it's kind of thrown in there and not explained enough.
-There's something about the paragraph on our society that doesn't flow well after the sentence "Other styles of fashion are often looked down upon by society making them less cool by the rest of society besides their circle of associates. "
-Other things: There can be a period after "Due to their risk factor they are usually picked out with a deeper depth of thought," and unlike can be capitalized instead.
This doesn't make much sense to me how it's written: "Since we all believe the majority of the population are hoped on top of the massive bandwagon that consumes our minds with media in order to keep industries financially stable, being one of the few that strongly go against it is the closest we can separate ourselves from society."